Change is a process, not an event

Dear Lena,

     If I flick through the first chapters again I’ll say that you are not that girl who was in the beginning. When I first met you, you were soft-spoken and quiet; obedient and unquestioning. “The girl who was afraid of everyone and everything. The girl who was afraid of herself.” Believe me I tried not to forget about the society where you lived and all rules which you were to follow. But you were not self-confident at all. To be cured was your main dream. “I just want to be normal, like everybody else”, remember? You took refuge in protocols and in absolutes, not letting yourself to doubt. You looked to authority to tell you how to think and believe, and you turned away from conflict, discomfort, and anger. All I first could say that you were a good and perfect citizen; you were weak. BUT it was your past and NOW you've become absolutely different. You’ve changed in a better way.

     You are not afraid to break rules, believe in yourself, your beauty and love. You’ve turned into a rebel, strong and brave girl and – “into a world-class liar”. You began to realize the truth, and I really like seeing how love changes everything for you. You have learned to embrace challenge and to trust yourself above all others. You are always true to your own feelings, even when they are conflicted, even when they bring pain.

     Courage comes not from following the shortest route to happiness, but living honestly, in accordance with our values and beliefs, even if that honesty brings complexity and difficulty. Your support was Hana (a faithful friend) and Alex (a boyfriend). “Three of you against countless thousands”. You, Lena, have learned to live with contradiction. You have stopped trying to escape complexity by adhering to rules. That means you started to grow up. In spite of somewhere inside of you there is still a person who sometimes flees feelings by denying or minimizing them, who tries to forget about all cruel things which she got to know.

     In conclusion, all I can say is that all emotions you felt were real. Sometimes I caught myself on thought that I’d have the same idea, the same decision. I always admired your discourses, unforgettable comparisons. The way you looked at everything was interesting as well. 

     

Take care of yourself, Lena. And I will hold my fists for you

Sincerely yours,

Kate